doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
