last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
