You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
