I could make wine with my vomit
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
