Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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