Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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