Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
COCAINE IS GR8
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
