that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
