Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
