I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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