just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she told me i tasted like america
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
