That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
