Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
