Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
