i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
