I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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