he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
