you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize