I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize