My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
