my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
there's paper in my vomit.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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