i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
