your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize