new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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