Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
