Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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