Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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