So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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