i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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