...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's just like the Real World with babies
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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