we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
