this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I think I won the penis lottery.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
