I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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