I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
