Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize