I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
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