it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
