Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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