yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize