If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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