His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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