My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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