i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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