We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
