It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
