True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
