Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
