How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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