Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
