you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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