I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
