It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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