can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
