He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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