so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
