Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
