you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
