I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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