I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize