I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
