somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
