Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
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