woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
