There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
